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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24548683">the hole in my heart</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/splashstar/pseuds/splashstar'>splashstar</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>CYNICISM [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Vocaloid</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Human, Cynicism, Gen, High School, Implied/Referenced Mental Health Issues, M/M, Post-Break Up, Twins</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:07:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>613</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24548683</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/splashstar/pseuds/splashstar</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Reality was inescapable, and you supposed that was why you were the way you were--but even if it was futile, it was still an escape. And maybe that was exactly what you needed. Screw whatever you said; maybe Rin was a genius after all.</p><p>You didn’t remember being this cynical before, though.</p><p>[originally written in October 2018]</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kagamine Len &amp; Kagamine Rin, Kagamine Len/Kaito (mentioned)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>CYNICISM [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1774282</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>the hole in my heart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>all the characters in this fic are high school age in terms of the jp school system (so around age 15-18)</p><p>insp: the disease called love by neru</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>From under the covers, your phone vibrated in your hands. It was a text from Rin, even though she was literally in the other room.</p><p>     <em>hey len</em><br/><em>     are u awake</em></p><p>You glanced at the top of your screen--it <em>was</em> one in the morning, and you had no idea why <em>she</em> was still up, but it wasn't like you had the energy to call her out for it this time. Your fingers responded before she could spam you.</p><p>     <em>im up</em></p><p>
  <em>Bzzt--</em>
</p><p>     <em>meiko told me what happened at school earlier</em><br/><em>     with kaito</em><br/><em>     u ok</em></p><p>You stared at your phone’s screen for a little too long. For a brief moment, you considered putting your phone down and not even answering, but your thumbs moved anyway.</p><p>     <em>idk</em></p><p>
  <em>Bzzt--</em>
</p><p>     <em>how do u feel rn</em></p><p>You paused.</p><p>It was fine, you concluded. It was just Rin. You could be as honest as you wanted.</p><p>     <em>empty</em></p><p>No response. You heard a door open and close outside of your room. The sound of footsteps got closer and closer until a soft knock came to your door. You swallowed some saliva and wet your chapped lips with your tongue. Your voice still came out hoarse and quiet, and your stuffed up nose made you sound sick. “It’s open.”</p><p>Rin opened the door and stuck her head in, messy golden hair and all--not that it was much different from how you looked right now. <em>You</em> probably looked like you’d been in bed for a whole week, if you were being honest with yourself. “Mind if I stay in here for the night?”</p><p>You eyed her for a second, then continued staring out at the wall in front of you. “<em>Mmn.</em>”</p><p>Taking your response as a "whatever," Rin let herself in the room and gently pushed the door closed behind her. She turned the lock with a <em>click</em> and climbed into the other side of your bed. The two of you laid in silence, your back still turned to her. You breathed slowly, thinking of what you wanted to say, and finally, your lips parted, your voice barely coming out as a whisper. “It wasn’t his fault. He was just trying to help me.”</p><p>You heard Rin turn her head against the pillow she was using. “What happened, then?”</p><p>“I...kept pushing him away. One day, I started getting really distant. He knew something was going on with me, but I didn’t want to tell him what.”</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>You shrugged your left shoulder in the darkness of the room. “I don’t know.”</p><p>Silence followed. You didn’t know what else to say, and--however comfortable it was--you knew Rin was probably looking for something to fill the silence, so you waited.</p><p>“Maybe,” Rin started quietly, “we could just skip school for a bit.”</p><p>You blinked, processing the fact that <em>Rin,</em> the one that seemed to actually <em>care</em> about school more than <em>you</em> did, was the same person that just <em>casually</em> suggested <em>ditching class</em> <em>entirely</em>. “<em>Why?</em>”</p><p>“I mean, <em>you</em> probably need a break after this, and <em>I’m</em> pretty much about to go insane. So maybe a few days off wouldn’t hurt.”</p><p>“We’re going to end up not going to school at <em>all,</em> Rin,” you thought out loud without realizing it.</p><p>“Is that a problem?”</p><p>You don’t know--<em>is it?</em></p><p>Reality was inescapable, and you supposed that was why you were the way you were--but even if it was futile, it <em>was</em> still an escape. And maybe that was exactly what you needed. Screw whatever <em>you</em> said; maybe Rin was a genius after all.</p><p>You didn’t remember being this cynical before, though.</p><p>You closed your eyes and relaxed your body. “Not really.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>so i hella got writer's block trying to write the 3rd chapter of "ride or die" and part of that is bc i've had a lot of my attention on everything that's been happening in the us rn...i won't be talking about it here but i'm 100% on top of it on my cos instagram (bluechancos)</p><p>but i did decide to edit something older so i could try to get out of my block...so hopefully i can get back into actually writing soon bc my goal is to finish "ride or die" by mid-august.......</p></blockquote></div></div>
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